Query Status update 11/22/09

I've replied to all the queries I've received by email and by post.

If you queried me you have gotten either:
1. the dreaded form rejection (sorry, I'm clearly out of my mind)
2. the less-dreaded "I need more time" email
3. the even less dreaded but more terrifying request for a full

If you did NOT get any of those, go here to
Query Letter Diagnostics.

Resend if you get all the way to #10 and don't find what went wrong.

Did I just send you a form rejection? Read this

Don't let the judgment of any editor (or agent) poison the intense, intimate, and necessary relationship that you have with your own work. Keep the two things scrupulously separate. The self that writes may need to be a delicate and protected creature, but the self that submits to magazines (and agents) ought to be as tough as a rhino's butt.

Christian Wiman, editor, Poetry
"Poets & Writers" May/June 2009

C'mon Harlequin, don't try to blow smoke up our asterisk

Donna Hayes, CEO of Harlequin, sent a press release yesterday that I picked up from Kristin Nelson's blog. It says in part:

It is disappointing that the RWA has not recognized that publishing models have and will continue to change. As a leading publisher of women's fiction in a rapidly changing environment, Harlequin's intention is to provide authors access to all publishing opportunities, traditional or otherwise.

Ms. Hayes, I wonder if you know how AuthorSolutions, your new partner in publishing models, actually works? It's not a publisher, if by publisher you mean a company (like Harlequin) that licenses intellectual property (ie pays for), adds value in terms of editorial expertise, design and production expertise, and then offers the product to their wholesale and retail accounts.

AuthorSolutions prints books. That's pretty much all they do. They don't license intellectual property. They don't add value with editorial input, design and production expertise, and they sure as hell don't make the product available to their wholesale and retail accounts (do they have any?) Their accounts are by and large the authors- the very people who pay to produce the book. A nice tidy circle of pay-to-play.


And to add insult to injury by saying they are the new publishing model, let's just remember they AREN'T. They're employing a new form of PRODUCTION. They don't actually change anything about the publishing model for vanity presses: authors pay to get books printed. The only thing that has changed is how many books get printed at one time, and in what format.

Ms. Hayes, I think I know what happened here. A very smart sales team from AuthorSolutions showed up and said "We can get you money, and a lot of it, with no capital investment, and not much expense to you. We can make your bottom line look a whole lot better."

What puzzles me is you agreed.

I understand budgets are tight. I understand the siren song of "money for nothing" in hard times. But I also know you've run a tight ship over there for a long time, and you're making money. Are you worried that will end, and the spigot of POD can help you alleviate that pressure?

I believe, and I hope you do too, some things are more important than money. Things like being honest with people who do business with you. This new venture is the ultimate in dishonesty. It's exactly the reason I loathe AuthorSolutions and their ilk with a passion: they (and now you) present it as a publishing model, and boost writers hopes and dreams at their expense to enrich yours.

As an agent a human being, that sickens me.

I'm glad you're taking the Harlequin name off this project.

Now, how about you just take it off your corporate website and leave the vultures to prey on other people.

You're better than this Harlequin.

Further on the Harlequin dumpster dive

Here is a well thought out and cogent explanation of the Harlequin/AuthorSolutions mess.

This is the paragraph that makes me see red:

3. Why is Harlequin launching a self-publishing business?

Many aspiring authors choose self-publishing as a way to see their work in print – to give copies as gifts, to have a bound copy to help in finding an agent, or simply as a keepsake

A bound copy is close to useless for help in finding an agent.

Harlequin KNOWS that. They're not stupid. They're making it up so aspiring authors will pay for their services.


This whole thing just makes me sad.

(thanks to Susan Adrian for the linkage)

Publishers reveal themselves as greedy beasts; chaos ensues

Harlequin announced it was in league with Satan AuthorSolutions today, and that writers can participate in a program to self-publish their books with "Harlequin Horizon" as the printer publisher.

Needless to say a lot of people went batshit.
Some were calmer.

And just to add fuel to the raging storm, let's all remember that authors are required to sign contracts that include a clause forbidding them from publishing, or arranging to publish, distribute or sell any work which will diminish the value of the work covered in the contract.

Gander, meet sauce.

In one fell swoop Harlequin just diminished the Harlequin brand name.

And worse, what they're telling unagented authors is the only way to get noticed in the slush pile is to pay $600+ to get your book printed first.

Yup, this one's going to be fun to watch.

You're abrogating the social contract we have. Knock it off.

I have publicly ranted about the rudeness of "no reply means no."
I have stated publicly that I answer all my email queries (the real ones.)

I intend to keep my part of that social contract with you the query letter writer.

Your part of the deal is you do NOT send me other stuff.
No pictures of cute animals.
No pleas about missing children.

No newsletters.
No fundraisers.

It doesn't take too many people to create a problem. It's time for writers to add this to the list of things they make sure their friends, critique groups and writers' message boards know.

Feeling stuck? Live in the Bay area? Here's help

Two years ago at GrubStreet in Boston a very smart editor thrust a rather startled author at me and said "here, read her stuff. She's amazing."

No fool I, I did. And the author was amazing. Unfocused, without a plot anywhere near ready, but with an amazing voice.

The author reworked the opening scenes, sent it back to me. When we next met at 2008 CrimeBake I gently urged her to put this one away and start on something new. I still couldn't see a plot, and couldn't see what the hell she'd do with the situation she'd put her characters in, but oh man, her voice was AMAZING.

I also encouraged her to talk to other agents, and she did.

This year at CrimeBake as we were lying around yapping, Slithery Barbara Poelle mentioned a book she was excited about. She described it and about six of us came up off the bar.

"Wait! I read that!"
"Hey, I read that!"
"What do you mean, you fixed that!!"

What Barbara had done as pretty much only Barbara can do, is see past what's wrong, and make pretty good suggestions for how to FIX things.

Frankly, I'm in awe of SBP and her ability to do this. It's one of the many things that make her a very smart, very formidable talent spotter.

Now, what does that mean for you?

Well, if you've gotten a lot of "nice rejections" or lots of comments like "I like this but it's just not quite right" you'd benefit from some time with Barbara.

And you're in luck. This coming weekend, she'll be the agent in residence at the Berkley Crime Conference. And further luck: this is a small conference, not one with hundreds of writers. You'd get some serious time for Barbara to hear about your book, and work her magic.

Frankly, you'd be a fool to miss this chance.

Register here.

The more you know, the funnier this is

Glossary of Publishing Terms

Tuesday Morning at the Question Emporium

Q: BEA is coming to New York next May, just three weeks after my debut novel appears. Is it worth my while to attend? I'm being published by a small press; the total expense of attending the expo would exceed my advance. There's no question about wanting to go: I'd love to. But should I? From a practical perspective?

A: No. Dollar for dollar you'll get more out of attending a local book festival that connects you with readers; or a crime novel convention like Malice Domestic, Left Coast Crime, or Bouchercon (and there are several other good ones that escape my coffee-deprived noggin just now) that connects you with readers (unlike a writers conference that is mostly attended by writers and agents).

BEA is not a good place to make connections for an author. Bookstore owners are there to see what publishers are bringing out in the fall; publishers are there to persuade bookstore owners to order big. The rest of us are just blocking the aisles.

I've stopped encouraging my authors to attend BEA. There are lots of better ways to meet people and promote your novel.

Ah yes, the query letters...

Favorite Subject line of the decade: I Have Chosen You to be my Literary Agent.

...and their replies!

Favorite reply to form letter "not for me" as of today: Thank you for your 'literary' form letter.

How to get no more rejections, EVER!

I've just returned from the fabulosity that is CrimeBake. CrimeBake is one of my favorite conferences and this year was the best yet. Every writer I met came prepared to talk about his/her book. Yes, we worked on finetuning pitches, but I didn't have a single person talk to me either in the formal pitch sessions, or informally, who was just clueless. That's pretty amazing, and I think due in large part to the emphasis CrimeBake places on teaching writers how to be prepared.

Sadly, even those who are well-prepared, and with good novels will get rejections. Some of those will be from me. I can't take on every good book I see, any more than you as a reader can read every good book you already own (let alone all the juicy new ones that keep coming out.)

There was a terrific panel called P IS FOR PERSISTENCE (the alphabet motif because Sue Grafton was the Guest of Honor) with, among others, Dana Cameron and Toni L.P. Kelner. On the panel Dana and Toni were eloquent in the extreme about how to deal with waiting, and rejection.

It got me thinking.

I realized there is a very simple solution for all your rejection problems. All of them, forever more. You really don't want any more of them do you? They're totally awful, completely depressing, and we all know Rejection Just Sucks.

Ok, here's the solution:





Stop Writing.





If you never send out another query, you'll never get another rejection.


Easy-peasy.

Wait, that's not a solution you're willing to accept?

Well ok then.
How about we look at rejections like this:

You love to write. You love to write more than you hate rejections. You love being a writer. So, you love rejections the least of all the parts of writing you love, but faced with a choice of no writing/no rejections, you choose to be a writer. You choose ALL the parts of being a writer, because it's all or none, and you are a writer.



Now back to work.

(thanks to Dana Cameron for this idea)